When I need or want someone to do something for me I ask them. For the narcissistic asking someone to do something is beyond their comprehension. At least that is the case with my mother. She really believes the world owes her something and that everyone should just drop their lives when she barks an order.
For example, today I told her tomorrow my daughter and I are putting up the Christmas decorations and cleaning the house. And tomorrow night my fiancé is coming over and we all are going to spend a quiet night at home watching DVDs. She responded with “I want to go the bank tomorrow so you have to take me”.
I was astonished, she did not ask, she demanded just as she always does. One would think that when the orders are ignored she would figure it out. We have even explained to her, that until she asks no one is doing anything for her. I fully understand her behaviors will never change, but my response to her actions and she dislikes it. In her mind I am no a daughter I am a slave to do her bidding and take verbal abuse when her demands are not followed.
I simply can not be around her for longer than a couple minutes before the anger is back. I just listened to her tell a friend of hers in another state how terrible we are because we will not let her smoke. She then quoted something one doctor said over two years ago in regards to her being permitted to smoke. She left out how ill my grandson is and how he can not be anywhere near anyone who smokes.
I am sure the friend really thinks I am a terrible person now because I told her, when you’re feeding people lines of crap why not tell them the entire truth of a situation instead of your warped view.
I am going back to our other apartment now. I did not making being in the woman’s presence for even an hour. I simply can not stand her. She is an evil, cruel, lying woman. I am considering once she is in a nursing home going to strict no contact. I will ensure she is getting proper care but my sanity simply can not handle being in the same room wit her without the anger slamming back into me.
Is it really to much to ask to expect someone to have enough respect and decency to ask and not demand and bark orders? In my world with my mother, I guess so. She simply is never going to get it, but I hope and pray that I figure out a way to deal with it and heal instead of just feeling all this anger.